It’s been a few months. Life is bumping along in it’s usual manner. Some twists, some backtracks, some new scenery. And all along it feels like sitting in the backseat of an old but reliable family car on it’s way to the distant shimmering shore. The immediate moment affords a comfortable familiarity. But the near future feels washed in a salty tide of unknown waters swirling and pulling.
I can look at my calendar and see all the notes and dates and appointments and yet there is always this quality of breathless anticipation. Of what? I don’t know. It feels sometimes like free-floating anxiety. I don’t like it. I find that my life is full of having to be here at this time and there at another with this or that in hand or at least within my reach. If I forget my phone it feels like I’ve lost a limb. If I forget my wallet I feel untethered – like a helium balloon rising into the sky. And this is normal.
I want so much for things to be simple. One thing lined up calmly after another. One task done and move onto the next. But life is not like that. Everything is always moving and changing at once and I suck at multi-tasking. So I have a tendency to get cranky. This is verified by my partner who, while reading this will probably be nodding her head violently. Yes, it’s true. I am a cranky multi-tasker. With a three year old daughter. Oy!
I find that, as a multi-tasking challenged individual, I need to keep things as basic as possible. Go here at this time, show up, do what I’m supposed to do and then go there, do that and then go home. It doesn’t sound very exciting but it keeps me sane. Even with my tarot practice, I have let go of the things I think I should be doing to build a bigger business and just focus on showing up. My presence is what I can give right now. My service is available and I trust that the people who need me will find me.
I believe in visibility. I believe in marketing myself to create a viable business and I know that old adage – “the squeaky wheel gets the grease” actually has merit. But I also know that I will never look back on these amazing years and regret that I didn’t spend enough time with my daughter and my partner. The real visibility lies in how they see me in their lives. I am present and accounted for. I am here and I show up.